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Stuck at
Home Easter Morning
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Stacey gets comfy in the recliner,
wraps up with
the blanket, and pulls out the remote control and TV Guide.
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Stacey
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Oh man, it’s last week’s
TV Guide. I’m sure
on Easter none of the regular shows are on.. I guess I’ll have to
use the
TV Guide Channel to see what’s on now.
Stacey uses the remote – Ross and Leah come out
from behind the lectern,
make a sharp turn toward the congregation, as though to a change in
cameras
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Ross
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Hey, are you watching up here?
We’ll let you know
what’s coming up on everything while you wait for the 576 digital
channels
you don’t get to scroll by.
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Leah
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That’s right, and we’ll
even help catch you up on
stuff you might have missed, like this from The Price is Right!
(music
up)
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Chris
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(as Bob Barker) You know how the
range game works.
Just say stop when the range gets to the right price for the prize.
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Emily1
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OK, Bob.
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Chris
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It’s getting awfully high now,
Emily
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Emily1
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I know, Bob. I guess
I’ll stop it now.
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Chris
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Stopping it at the very top, well
let’s see how
that strategy pays off. Oh dear, the price is even higher than
the
game could show; I guess no one could pay that price. Emily,
I’m
sorry.
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Emily1
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Not as sorry as I am, Bob.
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Leah
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Wasn’t that exciting?
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Stacey
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Yeah, right – a price no one
could pay? Why
even play the game, then?
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Ross
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Maybe you missed the news about a
popular soap.
(up music) In a surprise move, the producers of One Life to Live
are changing the name of the program, trying to make a new start with
the
audience.
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Leah
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What’s it going to be now,
Ross?
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Ross
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Well, Leah, they’re going to
call it Two Lives to
Live – we’re really looking forward to some transformations
of the characters
there now.
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Stacey
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Two lives? What are they
talking about?
This is retarded.
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Ross
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Leah, I hear tension is really
building over at
Fox, as we wait to see what happens after that Friday episode of Jesus
in the Middle (music up) Remember this?
3 kids together – Jill on left, Ben in the middle,
Emily2 on the
right
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Jill
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Come on – if you’re so
great, get us down from here.
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Emily2
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Hey, leave him alone, why
don’t you? I don’t
see you getting down yet.
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Jill
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(blows raspberries)
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Emily2
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Just stop it!
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Ben
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Thanks, man, I’ll never forget
this.
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Stacey
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I thought his name was Malcolm
– hmm, not the boss
of me? What’s going on with TV?
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Leah
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You know, TV Land has one of my
favorites.
I still wonder if those crazy Galileans will ever get off that
island
(up music)
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Ross
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I know, but I really like the last
verse of the
theme song:
Amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me, (sings
a couple lines to the tune of Gilligan's Island)
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Leah
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Me too.
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Stacey
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I never heard that verse
before. I wonder
what else I’ve been missing. Oh no! I just missed all
the regular
channels on the scroll! I’m stuck here for another 576
digital channels.
Great.
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Ross
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Hey, Leah, it looks like a first on
Cops tonight.
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Leah
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What do you mean – everyone
has on clothes that
actually fit them?
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Ross
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Well, not that big a first, I guess
– but there’s
a guy they’re actually not going to arrest!
(music up)
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Emily1
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(to Ben) That’s the guy
right there – he was
with the other one!
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Chris
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No I wasn’t! Let
go! (as Ben grabs his
arm)
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Emily2
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Emily’s right, Ben. I
saw him with that guy
earlier!
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Chris
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You’re crazy; I don’t
know him!
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Jill
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Just listen to how he talks; you
know they’re both
from the boonies – it has to be him.
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Chris
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(pulls away from Ben) I told you, I
don’t know him!
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Leah
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Wow!
That was exciting, but what was that sound as the clip ended?
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Ross
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I’m not sure, but it sounded
like a chicken or something
to me. What else is coming up, Leah?
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Stacey
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Better be something good this time;
this is getting
pretty old.
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Leah
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There’s a big surprise coming
up on Everybody Loves
Jesus (music up).
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Ross
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Really? What’s that?
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| Leah |
Just watch. |
| Ben |
Look, I need to ask you a favor. |
| Chris |
Well, what is it? |
| Ben |
I need you to take care of my Mom for a while –
could she come live
with you for a while? |
| Chris |
Sure, that’s no problem. Come on,
Mother. (to Jill) |
| Leah |
Bet you didn’t see that one coming. |
| Ross |
You’re right about that! But that’s
like CSI, where nobody sees
anything coming. They have to figure it all out afterwards.
(music up) Next time on Crucifixion Scene Investigation: |
| Chris |
OK, so you say this is where they were crucified? |
| Jill |
That’s right. Just up here on the hill. |
| Emily1 |
I saw most of it. It was horrible. |
| Emily2 |
That’s right – just nasty. |
| Jill |
Did you see anyone leave the scene? |
| Emily2 |
Just his friend and his mother. |
| Emily1 |
Right, that was just before he died. |
| Chris |
Were there any other witnesses? Anyone who can
tell me anything
at all? How about you, officer? |
| Ben |
Well, all I can say is that he was the Son of God for
sure. |
| Leah |
Wow! Some pretty intense stuff there. When
that’s done, and it’s
time to relax from all that stress, who could help more than
Emeril?!
(music up) |
| Ross |
Right, Leah. And tonight he’s making a menu
he got from his good
friend, Jesus. Honey Barbecued Quails with manna, sardine
sandwiches,
and some flame grilled lake trout. |
| Leah |
Mmm. To die for. |
| Ross |
You said it, Leah. |
| Stacey |
They better hurry and get back to the regular channels,
or I’m going
to go crazy. Let’s see. What’s on 76 now?
(remote)
Oh cool, one of those TV preachers. This should be good for a few
laughs. |
Ben,
Jill, and
Chris |
Listen to the Word of the Lord from 1st Peter 1:18-19
And from John 3:1-15
And from Luke 23:39-43
And from Ephesians 2:8-10
And from Matthew 26:69-75
And from John 19:25-27
And from Mark 15:36-41
And from John 6:31-35
And from Luke 23:50-53 & 24:1-12 |
| Stacey |
Hey – those all were like the TV shows they were
talking about.
Except that last one – what was that? Oh well, I’m
going to check
out what’s on TLC and see what I can learn there. (remote)
(music
up) |
| Leah |
(as Page) OK, time’s up! Let’s see
how Joseph here likes what
Jesus did with his space these last few days. OK, Joseph, you can
open your eyes now. |
| Ben |
Oh my! I never expected this! |
| Leah |
Is that good or bad? |
| Ben |
No, no, I love it. An empty tomb – this is
just excellent!
And I love what you’ve done with the linens over there, all
folded up neatly
and everything. Oh, this is just perfect! |
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Ty and Amy Winn bring the cross out and put it on
the saw horses. |
| Chris |
(as Ty) Now, folks, you all know that Jesus died on the
Cross for us. |
| Emily |
(as Amy) That’s right, Ty. It was like our
sins were nailed to
that Cross with Him. |
| Leah |
Right you are, guys. So we’d like to invite
you all to come up
and put a nail in this Cross as a way of remembering that when Jesus
died
for us, He took our sins with Him to the Cross, and we don’t ever
have
to take them back again! |
| Chris |
Right, so we’ve got hammers and nails here for
you to use, so come
on down! |
| Emily |
Wrong show, Ty. But also, if you’d like to
take one of the nails,
to remind you of this gift, please feel free, there are plenty. |